Curious Questions
by TheWriterWhoIsAlone
Summary: Paige and Emily Missing scenes from before they got together, what they went through and underwent to get to where they are, and how they will cope with the future. PAILY
1. Dinner is ready

**Disclaimer I do not own PLL**

One can always question themselves. It's perfectly natural. Paige McCullers was one of those girls. She questioned. She questioned what would become of her life. She questioned if she would ever find love. She questioned what her breaking point would be, but most of all, she questioned what was for dinner. She was starved. In her house it smelled so deliciously. Her mouth watered. After a long field hockey practice she famished was an understatement.

She went downstairs and her mother was there cooking burgers. She knew it was her favorite.

"Hello Paige-y!"

"Hi mom…" in all honesty she was the only person that ever called her that. It was sort of unusual but only her mother could get away with it.

It would make her feel like a child. She supposed she would always be at least in her eyes."

"The food looks delicious!"

"I'm glad." He mother beamed down "You haven't been eating well I noticed so I just wanted to make sure you got your fill."

There it was. Paige hated lying. She knew it was wrong. It was uncalled for. It was something that just felt immoral, but she would rather deal  
with that immorality than deal with her mother knowing just how wrong she was.

Paige didn't want to be like this. She didn't ask for it. She figured that when one Alison Dilaurentis put her in her place it was justified. She shouldn't love herself. Why would she? How could she?

She was not normal, however badly she wanted to be.

"I'm worried about you Paige."

"Mom I'm fine, really. You shouldn't worry yourself you know?"

Paige knew she was justified in her worry. She would sit in class, health mainly as she learned about what it meant to be "healthy". She knew she wasn't.

When teachers and counselors talked about self harm and eating disorders it would make her shrink down in her seat that much more. It was not like she was asking for it, everything to occur. There was just no way for her to feel comfortable within her own skin.

She was "Paige Pig Skin McCullers."

She was the human penalty box.

Paige tried, she tried so hard to be accepted with other kids her own age, it was just difficult. It was easy for her to get lost within her own world, her own mind. Her mother always said she had an old soul but it was more than that. She was different that much was obvious.

It was at these moments that she wished that everything was easy.

Spencer Hastings, Emily Fields, Aria Montgomery, and Hanna Marin all seemed to have it easy. It was because of their leader, the fair haired child, the ruler of the school, the queen bee. She always wondered what made the four so lucky, hefty Hanna, the girl with the striped hair, the human dictionary.

They all were so different but they were the few. Paige had heard Alison talk about them behind one another's back. Paige was immune to her, charm that much was true.

Emily, Emily was a different story. She didn't understand any of it. Why Emily, why everything occurred but when she would come into computer class she would watch her fingers, they were separated by students but she would look. The girl was the reason that she always felt different. When she would see her walk down the hall was when she would feel it. She was beautiful, her hair flowed with little effort.  
People asked her, why sports were life, it wasn't for the medals or recognition, but rather it was the only place she felt fully in control.  
There were no questions. It was just doing. She was strong, toned, it was the only place she actually felt it.

"I understand baby. I love you girly." Her mom responded.

"I know can I take this up? I have a lot of homework."

Rosewood high was different with every hall. She only wanted relief.

"Honey…" Her mom was about to say no when she was interrupted.

"Please! I got an English report and trig homework. AP classes have been kicking my butt you know that."

"Fine but you better bring down your plate."

She kissed her mom on the cheek as she went upstairs.

The door closed as she entered her room. Here was her escape. She was able to pretend her life outside of this room was nonexistent.

She could lock herself in. She could lock the world out. Nothing would touch her or harm her. Not here. It was freedom from everything that she underwent on a regular basis including herself.

It was where she got her hatred for herself out. She could abuse herself all she wanted in any way when she wanted.

There was a way for her to leave her life behind and she took it every chance she got.

Her father was not a deacon. She didn't go to church on Sundays. She didn't have to be the perfect daughter. It was just her and her laptop. It was her and her mind.

Sometimes she would give herself pleasure but that was rare. It was difficult for her to want to make herself happy but on the days she saw

Emily's smile that made her happy it made her want to be happy.

She didn't understand what made Emily special and different in Alison's eyes but she only wished Emily could look at her the same way that she looked at Alison.

Jealousy would consume her but it would be kept under control.

The anxiety was a lot but she was functioning and that was enough.

One day she would get Alison back, for all the harsh names, for making her feel even more alone. It would happen, she didn't know how or why but she would feel some retribution.

She would not have to feel same shame. In a perfect world there would be no girls like Alison and she would be accepted for what she was and not have to put up any front. She didn't even know what she was, who she was. The person who did their best or the awkward girl Ali made her out to be.

Manipulated, that was the best word to describe it all.

Innocence of childhood was long gone, high school was a different story. Wasn't it supposed to be exciting?

It should not be stressful. Everything should have been wonderfully easy with some difficulty but nothing like this.

Nothing would make her happy than to be able to be, she didn't want to be a freak. Branding was the worst.

She couldn't be a popular jock it was impossible. She couldn't be a brain she wasn't smart enough. There was nowhere to turn to, nowhere to go. This is her life at the moment, a story of a tortured soul. There was no way out. There was no hope, or at least it seemed as there wasn't.

She needed to find an anchor. She needed to find a base.

Paige wanted nothing more than to grow up and leave Rosewood, it was a trap, the city was alive in the worst of ways.


	2. Letters

**Disclaimer I do not own PLL**

Emily Fields had never experienced anything quite like being where she was. No one understood why she was with the people she was with, her friends. No one but Alison knew, no one else, not fully.

She was the average blond beautiful. She never seemed to age, her face remaining youthful and beautiful. She was never stressed, not like the other girls.

No one knew the little things Ali would whisper in her ear.

"Me you and Paris." That's what she had promised her, tanning on the beach, endless exploration.

She went to talk to her in the library. She had done this many times before. No one could ever pace Alison with Emily.

Emily and Alison had been best friends. Sometimes Alison thought of this and used it to her advantage. She knew Emily had a "Girl Crush" on her.

Alison didn't mean to be mean. It was sometimes as if she were bipolar. She could never decide what she wanted to do, who she wanted to manipulate next.

Whispered words of Pip from Great Expectations were the moment's Emily decided to hold on to.

Emily was always her favorite, that's what she said. Emily saw the good in the world, the good in people.

She was "the sweet one".

Emily could not have known that Paige was having one of the worst days of her life. That she had failed a pop quiz horribly. She was oblivious to the fact that her father told her that they were going on an unexpected retreat that weekend for church, where she knew that girls who would never understand would alienate her.

It was pure paradox. Christians are supposed to be kind, understanding, but she knew if they found out they would never look at her the same. The "eyes of god" wouldn't be in them. They couldn't see past certain things. This is why she was struck with fear anytime she remembered that she had never had a boyfriend.

Emily Field's could not have known that to top all of this off she saw Alison kiss Emily. Though the book shelves.

It was not intentional. She would try to avoid Emily and her feelings as much as she could. Bury them down. Act like nothing existed, which included her own being.

She would fade into the background.

When she saw Emily in bright summer colors though she could not help but feel her palms get sweaty, mainly she saw the button on her cover being just low enough to be beautiful but modest.

It was the same thing Emily felt for Alison when she saw her in lip gloss.

This was the day that Paige found this out.

She saw the girl with pools of chocolate eyes kiss the blond haired goddess.

It was a perfect fairy tale. It seemed logical, but at the same time, it all felt so wrong.

Paige felt so confused, even more now. Emily was like her. She was not alone. This excited her. Anger also rose. How dare Alison get everything, even the one thing that she knew she could never have.

How dare Alison take the other girl, defile her in this way. She knew if she ever broke her heart, that would be it, she couldn't stand to see

Emily sad. She barely knew the girl, but knew she was not good news.

Paige laughs to herself bitterly, she sounded like her parents.

One day the girl would get what she deserved.

Little did Paige know the main characters in her nightmares would end up hurting Emily. She would make the kiss meaningless, the one thing that all three longed for, meaningless. It was Paige who wanted the kiss with the girl that made her feel, it was Emily who wanted the kiss with the one girl who made her feel special who she idolized, it was Alison who longed for the power which she now had. It was all meaningless.

Paige was not one to be protective but when she would learn this fact it would fester. Most might think she was a player but she was not. Inside she was a scared little girl.

"Aw poor Paige why do you look so distraught honey?" It was Mona. She was vindictive everyone knew that. She was Hanna's best friend until, well, she was dropped when she moved on to bigger and better things. The average nerd however, nothing could change her, she was like Paige in that way, the ugly ducklings with no hope.

Mona saw Ali too, along with Emily. She saw the whole thing.

"Don't tell Mona. Please, it would destroy her."

"Destroyed you all ready, that much is obvious."

Mona saw everything she was everywhere at once. She was harmless though, she knew better than to go against the tide. Alison was queen, no question about it.

"No, my dear. Secrets are better left kept don't you think?"

Paige almost would have enjoyed the moment had it not been for the words that supplied the irony.

"No, but some are just meant not to see the light of day."

Paige rubs her wrists and immediately chastises herself.

"I'm, sorry for what they do to you Mona. I know they ignore you. I understand that. At least you are ignored. She at least doesn't torture you like she does me."

"It could have been me you know? Not Hanna… I could have…Maybe one day, we could be the ones torturing. WE could be in control. Rule everything. Take that snob down. I could be with Hanna, there would be no barriers. We could be the best of friends. You could have Emily. It would be…"

"Perfect."

"Look I have to go Mona, but if you ever need a friend know I am here for you." Paige smiled at her fellow cast away.

They would never be good enough, how could they ever be? What is "good" anyway? There is good in evil and evil in good. It just has to be brought about in the right way.

"You can count on it." Mona laughed manically when she saw Paige out of ear shot, and she looked back towards the show. Alison was good, but Mona was better.

Anger, sadness, ongoing, all swirled within. It was a hurricane. It was unstoppable. Within both of them, flowing through the veins two completely harmless girls. Paige left barley being able to see straight. She could not think. She took her bike and rode home.

Paige suddenly got a text from an unknown number.

**_Why don't we be friends?-A_**

Alison? That was impossible. After everything that had happened to them? She hated Paige. She would pick on her, torture her. This couldn't be from Alison.

Luckily the texts stopped after that. The next day she found something else unexpected. A letter, addressed to her. It looked like Emily's writing. What if Alison had actually sent the text? Maybe she was being accepted. Maybe she was finally going to enjoy school. Maybe she would not get kicked out of all the lunch tables when it was too cold. Maybe this was her way out. Maybe just maybe Pru wouldn't be her only friend. She could get closer to her fascination.


	3. -A deception

**Disclaimer I do not own PLL**

Paige had to admit when she read the letter it seemed too good to be true. She should have known better. She should have known, how could she be so stupid? Paige knew it was wrong. How could she let her competitive side get the best of her? She should have never messed with Alison, now she was in for it.

It actually started when playing field hockey. Spencer and Alison were out on the field and Paige accidently hurt Alison.

She was sure Alison would cry to her friends. Maybe Spencer would pretend like she did not notice? She was still trying to score a point and really did not fully focused and Paige hoped that one day that distraction would help. She did not mean to hurt Alison, it really was an accident. When playing the game, Paige did not notice what she would do. This through, she noticed. It was not able to be ignored.

She had hurt Alison, the Alison, and she knew she would pay. The thing is that she had not expected it to be so cruel.

The letter was a fake. It was a ploy. It was used to draw Paige out.

In that moment Paige felt the earth crumble beneath her. She was eaten alive. Gravity made her feet feel like cinder blocks.

"Ali- Alison?" She had just taped her response to what Emily had written to her where she said to. It spoke of want, fear, and Paige dared to think, love. "What are you doing here?"

She then saw Alison go towards her letter.

"No! NO! NO!" Paige felt everything drop to her gut. She felt every feeling of dread. She played with the lion being dead meat and now she would hear its mighty roar.

"Oh Paige Paige Paige. Do you have a little crush on my friend Em? How sad. You actually thought you stood a chance did you? She'll always pick me over you. Get that through your head now. It's A little creepy to, I'd say you are obsessed. She's out of your league, you have to learn how to pleasure yourself in, other ways." Alison rolled her eyes.

"It's a skin condition. Please just, give-give it back! Give it back Now!" Paige tried to act confidently but her own voice betrayed her.

"I wonder if you daddy or mom would enjoy this little written word produced by their own daughter. They'd be so proud. Of course, at first, only because they would believe it was an essay of some sort but then they'd read it! How fun and delightful! Is your daddy still a deacon at that big church?"

She heard a car honk calling for Alison's return. She could not make out the driver. One of her friends she was sure, maybe even Emily, her  
Emily, no not HER Emily, that would never happen.

"You're mine now Pig Skin! I own you! If you so as even breathe in my direction, well, I have ammunition."

Paige was tired of it. She became brave only for a moment but that was enough. She looked Alison dead in the eyes. She saw the other flinch when the convertible came up again.

Neither would let the other have anything over their head.

Paige lost her bravery. She rode her bike back to her home.

"Paige! Are you alright?"

Paige's mother could see how distraught her daughter was and wanted to help.

"I don't want to talk about it mom!"

She went upstairs and slammed close the door. The walls that made her feel free confined her once more. The white walls were prison. She had always asked her mother to let her decorate. She wanted to be a normal teen, put up posters, blast loud music, surf the internet, and she could not even do that. Her parents would monitor her. Even if she did she would not get their approval on the types of things she wanted.  
She was an Edgar Allan Poe kind of girl, and that says a lot. They would not understand what went on in her head half of the time and even if they tried they would be too disgusted with her to even learn more.

She was tired of letting other people control her. She felt her life was in chaos. There was no control.

She heard a knock on her door.

"Let me in Paige."

"Just go away."

"Paige, I can't, I can't help you if you do not tell me what is going on."

She opened the door.

"Is- Is this what you wanted to see mom? Me crying? Me feeling completely worthless?"

"Honey."

"I- I can't…"

"You don't have to tell me." Paige's mom sighed. "You are going through a stage right now. You are emotional. It's normal. You are changing. It's normal to feel…"

"God mom stop!" Paige said.

"Well it's true. I went through it too, we all did. Even boys do, they just, mature more slowly.

"I feel so out of pace."

Paige's mom sighed. "Paige we have to talk."

Suddenly Paige was nervous.

"What- What about?"

Had Ali already gotten to her somehow? No that was impossible.

Her mother took out a typed folded note from her pocket.

_**You should tell them. If you don't I will-A**_

"Do you know who this is?"

"NO!"

"Paige, don't lie to me. Lying is a sin remember that?"

"I'm not lying!"

"What does this, A person, think you should say? To who?"

"To you."

The silence filled the room to full capacity.

"What do you need to tell me and your father Paige? I'm assuming that is what they meant by them."

Paige just nodded.

"Mom- I- I'm-"Paige could not even say it so she came up with the next best thing. "I'm quitting field hockey after next year."

It was truth enough, she wanted out of it.

"Paige, your trainer that we PAY for will not be happy about this."

"Well I will still be into sports. Maybe I can take up swimming or something."  
Just then Paige wanted to kick herself. She forgot that Emily was captain. Maybe somewhere in the back of her mind there was just some part of her that just wanted to be near her. They could be friends. She did not care what Alison said. Paige needed more friends. She was tired most of all.

"Swimming?"

"Um, yeah mom, why not?"

"That might be good, a new outlet. You must get bored doing the same thing every year."

Paige simply nodded.

"I suppose I could talk to your father and try to convince him of it. It would be a better pull for you at least when it comes to athletic scholarships as there are not many swimmers. You could go to the top easily, especially with your already athletic physique."

"Well I have to try out first, before the next school year begins. It'll probably be sometime after this summer."

That thought alone made Paige a little more at ease. She would not have to deal with anyone from school the next few months. She could focus on her work and enjoy herself.


End file.
